Friday Fictioneers

I finally made the time to join the fun of Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers again. I do hope she will forgive me for the extra twenty words I used 🙂 The idea is to write a story based on the photo prompt using (roughly) one hundred words. Do read all the other stories HERE. And thanks for the wonderful photo this week to J Hardy Carroll.

PHOTO PROMPT © J Hardy Carroll 121 words

Lorelei traced the smooth metal as her mom pulled her firmly along the sidewalk.

“Now, when we get there, you be good,” Mom was saying. “I just don’t know how Missus feels about you there. I mean, I told her, but….”

Lorelei let her hand swoop up as the metal arched. A house appeared, set back behind the fence. Lorelei had never seen a place so fancy, not even on the scratchy screen of the little black and white.

Her mom stopped at the entrance, looking down at her.

“I know you are a good girl,” she said, “but today is important. I need to keep this job.”

Lorelei nodded her head, nervously patting down her skirt, before following her mom.

 

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Friday Fictioneers

  1. Dear Samantha,

    I suppose I can let 21 extra words slide…although it’s pushing the limits and I bet you could trim it. 😉 A good story nonetheless.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  2. Good story. I do see a few excess words. Firmly, for example. Being “pulled” is always firm. And in past tense try “said” instead of “was saying.” “Her hand followed the metal arches.”
    This would cut out a few.

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    • I shall respectfully disagree with you-her mom could have been pulling her angrily, or quickly or any one of a dozen ways. Using those words gave my writing the flavor I wanted, altho I could have cut a few words, it wouldn’t have sounded the same. On the on the other hand, I could have used 150 words to write that paragraph too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Love the feel of this, Samantha. That childish anxiety and bewilderment at the goings on of adults. Great tale

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  4. Lots of tension there.Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

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